'My son asks for money every single day': Father's 17 year old son drops out of college and moves back home with girlfriend, father tells them they both need to get a job

Author image for Baiz Hoen
Baiz Hoen
Jan 14, 2025 6:00 AM EST

As a recent adult, going home for the holidays is always a special treat. You never have to worry about where you'll find your next meal, you can sleep in until noon snuggled up in your childhood bed, and maybe even the family dog will nestle in with you to keep you warm. Sure, some annoying family dynamics are bound to arise, but it's all worth it for some much-needed rest and relaxation. Going away from home makes these luxuries even more delicious. You don't realize how much you miss your family until you are living on your own, experiencing the freedom of adulthood you've always longed for.

It's easy to feel afraid of leaving home. The world outside is big and scary, and learning how to take care of yourself is one of the hardest things a person can achieve. However, if you never leave home, you run the risk of never reaching your full personhood. In this story, a father is facing that moment with his son, who is refusing to grow up. Will OP's firm hand drive his son away, or will it be a much-needed wake-up call for a person in need of a kick in the pants?

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  • 01
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    via Sean Do
  • 02
    Am I the a hole for telling my 17yr old son to get a job? My son is 17. A couple of months ago he asked if his girlfriend could move in. I didn't have a problem with this but i told them I expected help around the house and for them both to attend college. They both agreed to this. After 2 months a college they both dropped out of college, stating the courses they were on weren't really their things. This was after a phone call from the college about the attendance.
    via Icy_Education_7783
  • 03
    I told them both I expected them to sort something out after three months of laying about doing nothing. I've now made it clear that I expect them both to get a job, and to be honest, they eat a lot. My partner & I currently pay for all their food and necessities. My son asks for money every single day as well.
    via Icy_Education_7783
  • 04
    I found him a dog walking job but he was shocked when I told him I expect him and his girlfriend to find a full time permanent job. So aith for expecting them both to get a job and contribute to the household
    via Icy_Education_7783
  • 05

    Redditors were quick to give OP a piece of their mind

    You told them they both needed to attend college. That's not happening so why is gf still living with you? Why do you keep. lowering your expectations? Your son is your responsibility, his gf is not. Send her back to her own family. Get the girlfriend out of your house & help your son get back on track for his future. You are the adult here, you have life experiences & it's your job to educate & help your son make good choices. NTA but... You need to own your own participation in this situation
    via Icy_Education_7783
  • 06
    NTA. Your son should learn to be responsible either he goes to college to make something of himself or get a job, also, his girlfriend should move out. If they both want to stay together, they must find their own place. If you let this go, they will make your life miserable as you will be enabling his behaviour and will pay dearly. He will be a burden to you.
    via Icy_Education_7783
  • 07
    NTA & in fact quite the opposite. You're doing him a favor by not enabling his behavior
    via Icy_Education_7783
  • 08
    You're NTA: but while you're giving him money, making sure he eats well & allowing him not to actually help around the house, he's gonna keep calling your bluff. March gives them enough time to put plans in place or find a job.
    via Icy_Education_7783
  • 09

    Even in modern times, you still have to pick yourself up by the bootstraps

    Stop giving him money. Give him and is GF a list of things you want doing around the house on a daily basis. Tell him if he doesn't fulfil them you'll change the Wi-Fi password and cut off his phone. (I'm assuming you're paying his phone bill) give him a deadline. If he doesn't make the deadline CUT HIM OFF. He will work out real fast that you are serious about the March deadline of his girlfriend moving out. HE DOESNT BELIEVE YOU WILL KEEP YOUR WORD ON THIS. You gotta show him
    via Icy_Education_7783
  • 10
    A good rule of thumb - you're either earning or learning. It's fair enough to not contribute as much if you are full time in school, but if you are not in school then you are full time working (or as much as is needed) to contribute in an equal share of the household finances.
    via Icy_Education_7783
  • 11

    Is OP a Beta Male Dad?

    YTA Living with a SO is a " privilege " an adult one at that. Yet you allow your son to live as a child, which he legally is. They have lied to you regarding college, they lounge around all day, they eat your food, and you pay the bills. My guess is that by March she will be pregnant and you will then be supporting 3 people. Question, if your son was a daughter would you have allowed her to move a boyfriend in at 17?
    via Icy_Education_7783
  • 12
    The fact you let his gf move in is crazy! I hope you know they will never leave and will probably end up having kids eventually
    via Icy_Education_7783
  • 13

    This would work on me for sure

    Change the wifi password and don't let them have 24 hour access. They can have access for certain times so they can apply for jobs, check e mail, etc. Or they can go to the library. What they cannot do is play video games all day.
    via Icy_Education_7783
  • 14
    Really? Why is this even a question? I suppose I will go against the grain and tell you why you are wrong. YTA. You created this monster by allowing his girlfriend to move in while he was under 18, and in a home that did not belong to your son. Why would you expect him to have any ambition when he is living with a significant other without having to have to earn it in any way from his own efforts?
    via Icy_Education_7783
  • 15
    You are raising a child who does not know how to do anything but talk to people, and has neither the motivation or skills for independent living. Do not ask for his approval for him to get a job. Take him hostage and give him independent living skills yourself: This is how you pay for bills. This is how you meet welfare and fill out a form. Tell me your greeting. Tell me how you say goodbye. Did you use your correct manners? And the same goes for his girlfriend.
    via Icy_Education_7783
  • 16
    Your 17 year old son asked you to let his girlfriend move in and you said you didn't have a problem with it but expected them to attend college. This is the funniest sh I've read in a long time. You're an idiot.
    via Icy_Education_7783
  • 17
    NTA. You're running a free Airbnb with unlimited snacks and no chores-of course they're living their best lives. But dropping out of college and doing nothing is where the "vibes only" lifestyle needs a reality check. Finding your son a dog walking job was generous, but honestly, they both need to realize life isn't just Netflix and takeout forever. Contributing to the house they're living in rent-free isn't some wild concept ―it's just being a decent adult in training. Stand your ground; you're
    via Icy_Education_7783
  • 18
    20 years ago, the wife and I had the same discussion with my daughter. 'Up or out.' Do something to move forward as an adult. She has thanked us since.
    via Icy_Education_7783
  • 19
    NTA. They should understand that if they don't want to study - they work. You can't help them with everything, because otherwise they won't be able to cope in life. You don't want bad for them, so they should accept it. That's life.
    via Icy_Education_7783
  • 20
    NTA. You should add that you expect them to move out once they hit 18. If they want to play house then they should get one for themselves and not mooch off you.
    via Icy_Education_7783
  • 21
    NTA - I would sit him down and hand him a letter that says I love you and if you want to live here, and if you are not in school, then you will need to start carrying your own weight and that that means paying for your groceries, your car or transportation, and your gas, at a minimum. In addition, that you cannot support his girlfriend, that that is his job. He will need to make enough to pay for the same for her, or she will need to make that money, or she will need to go. I would walk him thro
    via Icy_Education_7783
  • 22
    I would then have her join the conversation, and tell her the same thing in front of him so that everyone is on the same level. Ask her if she thinks that that is fair and if she has any questions. Tell her that you care for her too and you want her to be healthy and happy but that she is not a guest and she is not family so it is time for her to start contributing because it is not a free roof.
    via Icy_Education_7783
  • 23
    It's time for some tough love. You don't want to wake up in 3 months to find that they have repaid your kindness by hanging out on the couch and becoming druggies. Then you will have contributed to the deliquency of your son and someone else's daughter. You should probably also establish a family dinner night and make their attendance part of the deal.
    via Icy_Education_7783
  • 24
    NTA If they are not in school, then they are freeloading. Asking for money daily? Eating everything you buy? Wanting to help your kid while in school doesn't make you an AH. You're the AH if you don't make them pay their way. The gf should have to leave immediately, as they didn't live up to the expectations. You're allowing them both to be lazy and useless- if you don't stop it- YATA
    via Icy_Education_7783
  • 25
    my NTA. The header almost got me dad told me that while I pursue my education, he'll handle the expenses but once I graduate and start working, I'll have to pay for my personal expenses. If the course isn't right for them, they can ask for transfer since first semester's classes were mostly the basic stuff. Not skipped so many classes that college called
    via Icy_Education_7783
  • 26
    What if she gets pregnant before March and then how are you going to kick her out? Living with your SO is meant to be a sign of maturity. How did her parents agree to this? Tell him he needs a job before the end of January and she needs to move out by March no matter if she's working or not.
    via Icy_Education_7783

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family drama AITAH job freeloader reddit story dad Reddit college son
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